I’m sitting here, attempting to put some of my feelings into words and I’m struggling! I’ve been trying to do this for a couple of months!

Anyway, here I am, on my 4^th month off work because I’ve had another 4 breaks in the bones in my foot. I did exactly the same last year, same foot, different bones. It now looks like my other foot has decided to go the same way so it’s not going fantastically…

Now, I don’t like to do things by halves, so the doctors sent me for bone density scanning at the beginning of the year – this isn’t usually done in women younger than 40. I finally had my consultant appointment in August and discussed the results, I have osteopenia, which is low bone density, but it looks to be fairly advanced and could be progressing to full blown osteoporosis. I’m 25 years old. My hip joint appears to be the worst of my bones and I’ve been told that falling awkwardly on it will probably cause the bones to break.

So basically I’m now terrified.

I’m terrified to walk on something slippery, I’m terrified to go horse riding (which I have loved doing since I was a child), because I’m scared of falling off and breaking my hip and I’m terrified for the winter with the snow and ice to come. I don’t want to live in a constant fear and have a limited life, so what do I do? Unsurprisingly, the treatment for osteoporosis isn’t actually licensed for young women and if it’s decided that it’s to be started, pros and cons would still have to be weighed up as it’s not a particularly pleasant drug.

The most heart breaking part of all of this is that my consultant told me that continuing full clinical work isn’t a good idea. I totally understand why – he wants me to have as much down time as possible to heal any further fractures, but my heart completely broke when he told me and I burst into tears.

Since the first year of my training, I knew I wanted to be a cardiac nurse, and further through, I realised I wanted ICU! So getting a job on cardiac ICU at one of the best hospitals in the world was an absolute dream come true. So, now I know I need to embrace a non-clinical type of job, hopefully within a very similar sector, but it’s a long and complicated process.

My hospital appointment was over a month ago, but I’m still trying to process the absolute curveball it’s thrown me and I’m trying to figure out how to get through it and come out the other side a little stronger. Some days I’m absolutely fine, others I am so livid at life for doing this and the rest, I can’t even think about the situation without crying! Luckily I have an incredibly supportive family, boyfriend (and his fam!) and friends – I’d be forever lost without them. ❤️

So here’s to hopefully getting back on my feet (quite literally 😂 ) and finding the light at the end of the tunnel.